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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29671689">Hidden Secrets</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/frailone/pseuds/frailone'>frailone</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Glee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bullying, Cutting, Depression, Eating Disorders, Gay, M/M, Sad, Self-Harm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:21:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,697</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29671689</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/frailone/pseuds/frailone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt Hummel is drowning, and he doesn't want anyone to save him. Blaine Anderson refuses to let that happen.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kurt Hummel hates himself. It’s as simple as that. He always wonders why it is that the world trains us to live lives full of self-hatred. In fact, he can’t even pinpoint a time in his life where he felt any sort of self-acceptance. Deep down, he always knew that he wasn’t like other boys. He liked to play dress up, and he never felt any romantic connection towards women like all his guy friends did.</p><p>When he came out to his father, he felt a huge weight lifted off his shoulders. He may not be very accepting of himself, but his father accepting him meant the world. His friends from New Directions were also accepting, for the most part at least.</p><p>But then there was the slur incident, Finn had hurt Kurt way more than he imagined. Finn’s opinion means the world to him so to know that his brother thinks of him the exact same way he thinks of himself breaks his heart into a million pieces. After Burt kicked Finn out that night, Kurt cut himself for the first time. And to him it just felt right.</p><p>When Kurt transfers to Dalton Academy and meets Blaine Anderson, he felt safe. He hated being away from his friends, but Blaine was home in his eyes. The smaller boy taught him courage and showed him new meaning to life, even if he wasn’t aware of it. But that wasn’t enough to stop Kurt from falling apart.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TRIGGER WARNING: Talk and depictions of self-harm.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel have been together for 2 months. Two of the happiest months in their entire lives, or at least Blaine thought so. Don’t get it wrong, Kurt loved Blaine. He was perfect, too perfect for someone like Kurt. Kurt felt so much pressure to be as perfect as him, and honestly he was breaking. The fake mask he put on when around the perfect boy would vanish when he was in the comfort of his own dorm.</p>
<p>Kurt’s nightly routine was of upmost importance to him. He had ditched moisturizing and instead resorted to crying, cutting, and then repeating that process over and over. Everyone in his life was oblivious to his self-destruction, and he was determined to keep it that way. It was his own dirty little secret.</p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

</p>
<p>Blaine and Kurt walked hand in hand into Breadstix. With the Warblers devastating loss at Regionals, Blaine thought making dinner reservations at their favorite restaurant would help take their mind off things.</p>
<p>“I got a call from Rachel the other day, she’s worried about you. Why haven’t you kept more in touch with your friends? They care about you know” Blaine mentions once their food arrives and they’ve settled in.<br/>
Kurt Huffed. He knew he should be talking to his friends more, but quite frankly he didn’t have the energy to. It felt too much like a chore and he was just so incredibly tired. He was always tired. “I’ve just been so busy with the Warblers and with homework. I promise I’ll call soon.” He wasn’t lying, everything he said was honest. He just left out some parts.</p>
<p>Blaine nodded, seemingly content with his answer. What Kurt didn’t know was that Blaine was worried about him. Very worried. Something was very off about Kurt, and Blaine was convinced he was depressed.</p>
<p>They ate in comfortable silence, just enjoying each other’s presence. Blaine kept sneaking glances to his boyfriend, his intuition telling him something was very wrong. And when Kurt eventually looked back up at him, he finally noticed how dull his eyes were. This was not the Kurt he met months ago. That Kurt may have been sad, but this was different. Very different.</p>
<p>“Kurt, what’s wrong?” Blaine ended the silence.</p>
<p>A puzzled look appears on Kurt’s face. “Nothing, what makes you ask that?”</p>
<p>“You just seem so …. out of it” Blaine sighed.</p>
<p>Kurt shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He tried his best not to show it but he was scared. The last thing he wanted was to worry someone or have them find out his secrets. “I haven’t been sleeping well lately” he mumbles.</p>
<p>The conversation continued, and Kurt was finally able to convince Blaine he was fine. Blaine did believe him, he trusted that if Kurt had a problem he would come to him. He just wished the boy would open up to him more.</p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>Once they returned to Dalton, each boy went to their respective rooms. They both had thoughts about the other circulating their minds.</p>
<p>Blaine was concerned as to why his boyfriend wasn’t sleeping. Was he stressed? He knew Kurt had a lot on his plate but he’d never mentioned anything about feeling overwhelmed. Maybe he could take Kurt to a doctor, they may be able to prescribe him something to help. He decided that was a good idea and made a mental note to talk to him about it the following day.</p>
<p>Kurt’s thoughts were centered around the fact that Blaine had almost caught onto him. He had never felt so terrified in his life. Had he been doing a bad job at hiding it? Was he cracking? He couldn’t wait to get back to his room and feel the sweet release of a blade cutting into his skin. He deserved it, for opening up too much and beginning to crack.</p>
<p>Kurt couldn’t make it to his room fast enough. He was so anxious and it was killing him inside. That’s how he ended up here, in one of the Dalton Academy communal bathrooms. He believed no one was in there, so he didn’t even bother locking the door of the stall. He threw his messenger bag on the ground and dug through it to find the X-Acto knife he had hidden in one of his pockets. Once he had found it, he dragged it across his wrist in record time. He breathed a sigh of relief and repeated the process several times. As he reached into his bag to grab the mini first-aid kit he had packed for situations like these, he heard a gasp. Shit.</p>
<p>There in front of him stood Wes, looking as worried as ever. “Kurt…”</p>
<p>Kurt’s eyes began to feel heavy and soon enough hot tears were rushing down his face. It was almost 2 AM, he was positive no one would come in. There were several communal bathrooms and this was the one no one ever used.</p>
<p>Wes let himself into the overly large stall and locked the door, ensuring no one else would walk in on the situation. He rubbed Kurt’s back as soft cries left the boy’s lips.</p>
<p>“Let me help you clean these up” Wes said sadly. </p>
<p>Kurt nodded and passed over his first-aid kit.</p>
<p>Wes looked up at him as he bandaged his arm, “I’m guessing since you have this with you, you do this a lot?”</p>
<p>Kurt nodded, he knew there was no use in lying. “Yeah”</p>
<p>“Does Blaine know?” Wes asked sadly, almost like he already knew the answer.</p>
<p>“No” Kurt answered honestly. There was a moment of silence, “Please don’t tell him”.</p>
<p>“I won’t, but I really think you should. This…. This isn’t healthy Kurt. I hate seeing my friend go through this. Blaine could really help you” Wes said gently.</p>
<p>Kurt just wanted to go back to his room and attempt to sleep. “I’ll think about it”. He wouldn’t.</p>
<p>Wes smiled gently, “Good. I’m always here for you Kurt. Next time you feel like this, please reach out”. He let the boy go and Kurt walked back to his dorm shaken up.</p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>For once in his life, Kurt had slept well. He had even gotten a full 8 hours, something so foreign to him. But as soon as he woke up, all the memories of the previous night came rushing back to him and his head began to pound. “Shit” he mumbled aloud. He reached over to check his phone, eyes widening when he saw it was already 11 AM. He had slept through half of his classes. He groaned and fell back onto his pillow.<br/>
Blaine shared his morning classes with Kurt, and it was not like Kurt to miss a class. So, you could imagine how confused and worried he was when he walked into the classroom and Kurt wasn’t there. He had the urge to run out of the room right then and find his lover. He quickly sends Kurt a text and ventures over to his seat.</p>
<p>Blaine: Are you okay? Where are you? </p>
<p>Kurt smiles at the overprotectiveness of his boyfriend and sends him a quick text and assures him he’s okay and had just slept in. He just lays there for a while and thinks about what happened last night. While he hated that anyone found out about his darkest secret, he sure was glad it was Wes. Wes wasn’t the type to go against his word- so he knew he wouldn’t tell Blaine.</p>
<p>The thought of Blaine finding out he had been hurting himself for the past 6 months made Kurt shutter. Blaine’s overprotectiveness was cute, but Kurt knew that Blaine would never let him out of his sight again. That was if Blaine didn’t run and leave as soon as he found out, but Kurt would do anything it takes to keep his secret safe. Kurt was convinced he could not live without his blade, so no one was going to take it away from him.</p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>Blaine showed up at Kurt’s door later that evening. The smaller boy had told Kurt about his plans to take him to a sleep specialist. As much as Kurt was against this, he knew Blaine would be adamant on it so he agreed. He realized he probably needed to get his sleeping problem sorted anyways.</p>
<p>Once they arrived at the specialist’s office, Blaine grabbed his boyfriends hand. “I’m really proud of you for doing this, Kurt. This is a good thing” He said softly.</p>
<p>Kurt smiled up at him. “You always make me feel better.”</p>
<p>“Kurt Hummel?” The doctor called.</p>
<p>Kurt took a deep breath and began to follow the doctor to the back. Blaine began to stand up but Kurt frowned, “Is- Is it okay if I go in by myself?”</p>
<p>Blaine blushed and returned to his seat in the waiting room. “Of course, I love you.”</p>
<p>“I love you too” Kurt said back.</p>
<p>Blaine shouldn’t be upset, but he really wanted to go with Kurt. The boy never opened up to him and sometimes it could be so frustrating. He loved Kurt more than anything in the world, and he just wanted to help. He figured by going back with him, he could’ve gotten a little more insight into what’s really going on in Kurt’s mind. But he respected Kurt’s wishes, If Kurt was more comfortable without him there then that would just have to do. He wanted the best for Kurt always.</p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>“What brings you in today?” Dr. Garcia asks, clicking her pen.</p>
<p>Kurt almost laughed at the situation, she was a sleep specialist! Didn’t she know the answer to that question already? “I just haven’t been sleeping”.</p>
<p>“And when did this start?” The doctor asked sweetly.</p>
<p>“Hm…” Kurt pondered. The first time he remembers having severe sleep problems was when Karofsky threatened to kill him. “I guess about 4 months ago” he answered honestly.</p>
<p>Dr. Garcia scribbled his answer down and hummed. “Have you experienced any traumatic events lately?”</p>
<p>Kurt thought back to the past year and how horrific it had been. “No” Kurt lied.</p>
<p>A chill went up Kurt’s spine as he realized how risky he was allowing Blaine to drag him to this appointment. He should have fought it.</p>
<p>After a few more miserable questions, Dr. Garcia finally came to the conclusion that Kurt had insomnia.</p>
<p>“I could prescribe you some medicine if you’d like” Dr. Garcia said kindly.</p>
<p>Kurt agreed and thanked her, eager to get back to the comfort of his own dorm.</p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>Once they picked up Kurt’s prescription, Blaine and Kurt returned to Dalton. Once they reached Kurt’s door, Blaine nuzzled his head into Kurt’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“I think we should have a sleepover” the shorter boy mumbled.</p>
<p>Kurt giggled “Like 6th graders?” </p>
<p>“Pleeeeease” Blaine whined.</p>
<p>In all honesty, the idea didn’t sound so bad to Kurt. They’ve done stuff but they’ve never fully slept in the same bed together and the thought of being able to cuddle up next to his boyfriend gave him butterflies. He would just have to make sure Blaine didn’t rummage around the cabinet under the bathroom sink.<br/>
“Okay, sleepover it is” Kurt smiled.</p>
<p>Blaine rushed through the door and practically leaped onto Kurt’s rickety dorm bed. ”So cozy” he said wrapping himself up in blankets.</p>
<p>“Blaine! People are going to think were having intercourse!” Kurt laughed. Dalton’s dorm beds were known to creek and make noise at any slight movements.</p>
<p>Blaine smiled up at him, “Would that be so bad?”</p>
<p>Kurt jokingly rolled his eyes and got into the bed, enjoying the warmth of his boyfriend. They laid like that for a while, just enjoying each other’s company. Eventually, Kurt decided to put on one of their favorite movies and both boys fell asleep feeling safe in each other’s arms.</p>
<p>Kurt didn’t stir when Blaine woke up at approximately 5 A.M to get ready for the day. He was sound asleep, seemingly oblivious to the world around him. If only he had known, maybe things would have been different.</p>
<p>Blaine’s morning routine always began with a shower, so he was sure Kurt wouldn’t mind if he borrowed his for the morning. But he couldn’t find the damn towels, and he didn’t want to wake Kurt up from his beauty sleep. He looked so peaceful and perfect. Blaine groaned finally deciding to check the cabinet under the sink. He moved stuff around, but to no avail. But there was something odd towards the back of the cabinet, and something told Blaine he should see what it was. He knew he shouldn’t invade his boyfriend’s privacy, but his curiosity got the best of him.</p>
<p>As soon as he saw the contents inside the plastic bag, Blaine’s face dropped. He felt he was going to be sick. So many blades, knives, sharp tools of all different kinds. His head started spinning as tears clouded his vision. Was Kurt hurting himself? There was no other reasonable explanation. Blaine grabbed onto the counter steadying himself, letting soft cries overtake him.</p>
<p>Kurt was woken up by a muffled cry coming from the bathroom. Still half asleep, he called out “Blaine?”. Kurt couldn’t see much, it was still so dark outside and he was still so confused. He heard Blaine open the bathroom door and the clicks of a lamp turning on. Once he was done squinting and his eyes adjusted to the light, he froze.</p>
<p>“Kurt, what are these?”</p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>A/N: Hello! This is the first fanfic I’ve ever written and I am very excited to share it with you. I am still learning the ins and outs of fanfiction writing, but I wholeheartedly believe this book will get better as I keep developing the story. </p>
<p>I based much of this story off personal experiences, and it may be triggering to many. Please be careful while reading and know that there is always help available. You are so important.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TRIGGER WARNING: Talk and depictions of self-harm.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Kurt, what are these?”</p>
<p>A sense of dread filled Kurt as he looked at his teary eyed boyfriend. He had been caught. How could he get out of this? There was absolutely no reasonable explanation for him to have a bag full of blades.</p>
<p>“Blades” Kurt said trying to sound sure of himself.</p>
<p>“Are you-“ Blaine couldn’t even say the word as he looked down and a tear rolled down his cheek.</p>
<p>“God no, I’d never do that!” Kurt exclaimed.</p>
<p>Blaine shook his head. “Don’t lie to me” he said sternly.</p>
<p>Kurt’s breath hitched as his boyfriend began to walk closer to the bed he was laying on.</p>
<p>“Stand up” Blaine demanded.</p>
<p>Kurt shook his head, “You need to go”.</p>
<p>“No, stand up.” Blaine said again.</p>
<p>Kurt’s hands began to shake as Blaine reached out to grab his hand. “Please just go” he said shakily.</p>
<p>“Kurt.” That was all Blaine needed to say for Kurt to draw into himself.</p>
<p>“Leave” Kurt repeated.</p>
<p>Blaine shook his head as his sobs got louder, firmly grabbing onto his boyfriends wrist.</p>
<p>“Blaine, stop” Kurt said sternly.</p>
<p>“Please just let me see” Blaine said brokenly.</p>
<p>Kurt shook his head as Blaine began to roll the sleeve of his blazer up. Kurt weakly tried to fight him off, but it was too late. He had never felt so exposed.</p>
<p>Blaine gasped as the array of cuts and scars on Kurt’s left arm came into view. “Oh my god” he whispered. There were so many, some were even so deep he knew his boyfriend should have gotten stitches. His mind grew fuzzy as tears poured down his face. How had he not noticed?</p>
<p>Seeing the pain he caused Blaine made Kurt himself begin to cry. The last thing he would ever want to do is hurt the person who means the most to him. “Please just leave it alone” Kurt said brokenly.</p>
<p>Blaine took a shaky breath, trying to collect his thoughts. “How long Kurt?”</p>
<p>Kurt once again shook his head, burying it into his knees.</p>
<p>Blaine gently lifted Kurt’s head up with his fingers. “You need to tell me” he said softer.</p>
<p>There was a pause. “6 months” Kurt mumbled.</p>
<p>“And I never noticed?” Blaine sighed.</p>
<p>“I didn’t want you to. Please don’t blame yourself” Kurt said sadly rubbing his upset lover’s back.</p>
<p>It was almost ironic how Kurt seemed to be the one more put together in this situation. Inside he was breaking, wanting to spill everything to Blaine from the cutting to the threats and everything in between. He wouldn’t, though. He was sure Blaine was overreacting, it wasn’t that big of a deal.</p>
<p>“Are there any more?” Blaine whispered, sitting down on the bed next to Kurt.</p>
<p>“I don’t know” Kurt answered. That wasn’t a proper answer, but his mind was in overdrive and he just couldn’t think straight.</p>
<p>Blaine put a supportive arm around his boyfriend, “Show me”.</p>
<p>“No-“ Kurt began but Blaine cut him off.</p>
<p>“Courage”</p>
<p>Kurt stood up and began to remove both his shirt and his trousers. He shut his eyes when he saw the heartbroken expression on Blaine’s face. Blaine could not believe the sight in front of him, his boyfriend’s whole body was mutilated. From his chest all the way down to his ankles. He let the tears flow as Kurt reopened his eyes.</p>
<p>“Shit” Blaine said brokenly.</p>
<p>Kurt let out a cry, sitting down next to the smaller boy. “I’m so sorry” he said softly.</p>
<p>“I just- I’m throwing these away” Blaine said standing up, holding onto Kurt’s bag of tools.</p>
<p>This snapped Kurt out of his vulnerable state. “No!” he exclaimed. “You can’t take those away they’re mine!” He jumped out of bed and lunged for it, but Blaine stepped back.</p>
<p>“I’m not going to sit back and watch you destroy yourself!” Blaine cried. “You have to stop, Kurt. You can’t do this. I’ll help you.”</p>
<p>“I don’t need help, give it back.” Kurt said sternly.</p>
<p>Blaine ignored Kurt’s pleas and ventured into the bathroom, locking Kurt out. As soon as Kurt heard his tools hit the toilet and the sound of the obnoxious flush, he broke down into a fit of sobs. He yelled profanities at Blaine, telling him to leave and that he never wanted to see him again. Blaine’s heart broke- but he knew it wasn’t Kurt talking. </p>
<p>Blaine rushed out the bathroom to comfort his boyfriend who was curled up on the floor. He whispered sweet nothings in his ear, taking every insult Kurt threw at him. It took a while, but Kurt was finally able to calm down, wrapping himself into his boyfriend as soft cries left his mouth.</p>
<p>“Why would you do that Blaine?” Kurt’s voice broke.</p>
<p>“Because I love you, and I don’t want you to hurt yourself” Blaine said softly running a hand through Kurt’s hair.</p>
<p>“It’s really not that big of a deal. Can I just go back to bed?” Kurt sniffled.</p>
<p>“It’s a huge deal Kurt. We need to talk about this, you know that” Blaine replied sweetly.</p>
<p>“Just forget it ever happened” Kurt said, standing up and crawling back into his overly creaky bed. Blaine sighed and climbed in after him.</p>
<p>“Not happening” Blaine replied, curling into his boyfriend. “Look, you can go back to sleep for now but as soon as you wake back up, we’re continuing this conversation”. Blaine so badly wanted to force Kurt to stay up and tell him everything. But he knew he wouldn’t get any clear answers out of Kurt until he calmed down, and Blaine himself also needed some time to process everything. Blaine got up to switch off the lamp before climbing back into bed with the boy.</p>
<p>“Aren’t you going to class?” Kurt mumbled.</p>
<p>“No, I’m not leaving you” Blaine whispered.<br/>
Blaine couldn’t see, but Kurt rolled his eyes in the dark. He knew the smaller boy wasn’t going to drop this, and quite honestly would probably never leave his side ever again. “Goodnight”</p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>Unlike his boyfriend, Blaine never went back to sleep. He spent hours staring at the ceiling, processing the events that occurred earlier. Blaine had never been so scared in his life, and quite frankly he had no idea what to do. The only thing he knew was that he was going to help Kurt. But other than being there for Kurt, how could he help him when the boy refused to even acknowledge that anything was wrong? When the clock hit 11 AM, Blaine knew he needed to wake Kurt up.</p>
<p>“Kurt” he said shaking the boy softly. “You need to get up”</p>
<p>Kurt groaned turning over to face Blaine. Blaine smiled at the sight of his boyfriend, he always looked so cute whenever he woke up. If the circumstances were different, a make out session probably would have ensued.</p>
<p>“We need to talk” Blaine said sadly.</p>
<p>Kurt shook his head, “I really don’t want to, Blaine. Can’t you just pretend nothing happened?”</p>
<p>“You know I can’t do that. I just- you really need to stop Kurt. I’ll be here for you, every step of the way! But this is so dangerous and it’s destroying me knowing that I didn’t know sooner. You could’ve come to me you know?” Blaine sighed.</p>
<p>Both boys were still so emotional, yet so drained. Even if either of them wanted to cry, it was physically impossible. They had probably shed a year’s worth of tears just that morning.</p>
<p>“I didn’t want to. Like I said, I really didn’t want anyone to know. I can’t stop- cutting is like air for me. I can’t live without it, and I don’t want to” Kurt rambled.</p>
<p>“Kurt, I can’t watch you go through this. I booked you an appointment with a therapist- my old one, actually. I didn’t tell her anything about the situation, but she can help you. You can find new ways to cope, you don’t have to keep doing this. You can’t” Blaine said sadly.</p>
<p>Kurt groaned, he knew this was coming but he still wanted to fight it. If only he had the energy to. Suddenly a thought crossed his mind.</p>
<p>“You didn’t tell my family, did you?” Kurt asked concerned.</p>
<p>“No. You need to, though. And if this continues and you don’t tell them- I will” Blaine said sternly.</p>
<p>“You can’t do that, you don’t even have their numbers” Kurt replied snarkily.<br/>
“I have Finn’s” Blaine said, and Kurt silently cursed himself for giving Finn Blaine’s number in case of emergencies.</p>
<p>“I’ll try to stop, okay?” Kurt lied. “Just please don’t call Finn, he would tell my dad and his heart wouldn’t be able to take it. I really will try.”</p>
<p>Blaine smiled at this, “I’ll be with you every step of the way. Am I the only one who knows?”</p>
<p>Kurt bit his lip, “Wes knows. I made him promise not to tell you. He only found out the other night”.</p>
<p>Blaine groaned, had he really been that oblivious? “Were you ever going to tell me?”</p>
<p>“No” Kurt answered honestly.</p>
<p>The two laid in silence, refusing to leave one another.</p>
<p>“You should go to class” Kurt broke the silence.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to leave you” Blaine replied.</p>
<p>Kurt really just wanted the boy to leave so he could walk to the drug store across the street and buy some new tools. The pressure of everything that happened within the last few days was becoming too much, and he needed a release.</p>
<p>“I’ll be okay, Blaine. I really just want to get some homework done”, Kurt lied. He had caught up on his homework days ago.</p>
<p>Blaine looked at him concerned before asking “Are you sure?”.</p>
<p>Kurt nodded, “I’ll be fine, I love you. Go to class.” </p>
<p>Blaine pulled Kurt into his arms and embraced him. “I’m here for you” he said softly before packing his things and exiting Kurt’s room with a sad smile.</p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>Kurt breathed a sigh of relief when the smaller boy was out of sight. He quickly got dressed and ready for the day, grabbing his messenger bag before making his way to the drug store. He had to plan this carefully, Blaine’s class was across campus and he absolutely could not run into him. His eyes watched every direction, he had never felt so on edge.</p>
<p>When he reached the drug store a feeling of relief washed over him, and as he opened the door he felt even more relaxed when he noticed there were no other customers. He walked through every aisle, planning carefully what tools he would buy. He eventually decided on a new X-Acto knife and a pack of razor blades. He took a deep breath and walked to the counter, grateful that the cashier didn’t seem suspicious.</p>
<p>On his way back to his dorm, he spotted Wes walking towards him.  He quickly tried to turn around but the boy had already noticed him.</p>
<p>“Kurt!” he yelled jogging over.</p>
<p>“Hey!” Kurt replied, plastering on a fake smile.</p>
<p>“What are you up to?” Wes asked. “Blaine told me what happened this morning, I’m glad you’re going to try to get better.” </p>
<p>“I was just getting some water bottles, and I really am going to try” Lies. Kurt always told lies.</p>
<p>Wes smiled, “I have to get going, but I’m really proud of you, okay?”</p>
<p>Kurt nodded before rushing back to his abandoned dorm room.</p>
<p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>As soon as he was positive the door was locked, Kurt opened up his new pack of blades. He couldn’t help the sickly smile that formed on his face, this was his release. He dug the blade into his skin over and over again until he felt that sense of euphoria the blade gave him. Not even bothering to properly clean up his cuts, Kurt applied butterfly strips over them. </p>
<p>He needed to find a new hiding place, but nowhere seemed good enough. As he looked in his closet, he noticed the sweater Blaine had given him when he got cold on their first date. Blaine had vowed never to go near it again, because it looked much better on Kurt. But Kurt hadn’t worn it since that night, and it’s large pockets were the perfect hiding spot. He couldn’t help but feel guilty as he placed his new tools in his boyfriend’s sweater, he would never ever want to hurt him. </p>
<p>But it was better this way, Kurt liked having secrets. He also liked having a release, and he was going to make damn sure no one took it away from him. It may sound twisted, but Kurt knew destroying himself was the only way he could truly live. It was the only thing keeping him alive, really. He knew he was too far gone, even if he wanted help it was just too late.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know in the comments if you have any suggestions or constructive criticism :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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